An American, a Mexican and an Italian ...

An American, a Mexican and an Italian robbed a bank. As it turned out, they got a lot of cash in Dollars, Pesos and Liras.
When they returned back to their hide-out, the American distributed the money in three even shares. He counted each portion aloud:
"1000 Dollars for me, 1000 Pesos for you, 1000 liras for you ...
1000 Dollars for me, 1000 Pesos for you, 1000 liras for you ...
1000 Dollars for me, 1000 Pesos for you, 1000 liras for you ..."
The Mexican said to the Italian, "Well I can't stand these Yankees, but I have to admit they are honest.

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FHA LoanA New Orleans lawyer ...

FHA LoanA New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA (Federal Housing Administration) loan for a client. He was told that the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to aparcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property datedback to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down.After sending the information to FHA, he received the following reply: ?Upon review of your letter adjoining your client`s loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which youprepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared the Title to the proposed collateral property back to the year 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.?Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:?Your letter regarding Titles in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have Titles extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in theproperty arena, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the U.S. fromFrance in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the then reigning monarch, Isabella. The good queen, being a pious woman and careful about titles, almost as much as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to fund Columbus` expedition. Now the Pope, as I`m sure you know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. And God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume thatHe also made that part of the world called Louisiana. I hope you are satisfied. Now, may we have our Title??

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The old native American wanted ...

The old native American wanted a loan for $500. The banker pulled out the loan application, "What are you going to do with the money?""Take jewellery to city and sell it," was the response."What have you got for collateral?""Don`t know collateral.""Well that`s something of value that would cover the cost of the loan.Have you got any vehicles?""Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup."The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?""Yes, I have a horse.""How old is it?""Don`t know, has no teeth."Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan.Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said. He then handed the banker the money to pay his loan off."What are you going to do with the rest of that money?""Put in tepee.""Why don`t you deposit it in my bank," he asked."Don`t know deposit.""You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it."The old Indian leaned across the desk, "What you got for collateral?"

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The banker fell overboard...

The banker fell overboard from a friend`s sailboat.The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, "Can you float alone?""Obviously," the banker replied, "but this is a heck of a time to talk business."

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Daughter in college...

Daughter in collegeDid you hear about the banker who was recently arrested for embezzling $100,000 to pay for his daughter`s college education?As the policeman, who also had a daughter in college, was leading him away in handcuffs, he said to the banker, "I have just one question for you. Where were you going to get the rest of the money?"

I took my wife to ...

I took my wife to the bank to tell her something, but the teller told
her something instead. So I let the teller teller!
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A man walks into a ...

A man walks into a New York City bank and says he wants to borrow $2,000 for three weeks. The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has. The man says "I`ve got a Rolls Royce -- keep it until the loan is paid off -- here are the keys." The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the bank`s underground parking for safe keeping, and gives the man $2,000.Three weeks later the man comes into the bank, pays back the $2,000 loan, plus $10 interest, and regains possession of the Rolls Royce. The loan officer asks him, "Sir, if I may ask, why would a man who drives a Rolls Royce need to borrow two thousand dollars?"The man answers, "I had to go to Europe for three weeks, and where else could I store a Rolls Royce for that long for ten dollars?"

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